Testing, Satanic Attack, Questions

Why?? That's the question. Why has this happened to me? I can say it's weird that it happened on a Sunday after a particularly powerful time of worship at church, where we sang about spiritual warfare and about God's power. That's uncanny to me. Yet, Satan cannot test us without permission from God, according to the book of Job. So, God let me be tested? Will this show His glory? Will this be a defeat in my life? Taking away a huge part of my ministry and my life that was used for God and no one else? As I tell more and more people about this, it's easy for them to have faith for my healing. For me, it's a minute by minute struggle. I have to plan to not be healed. I have to learn to live my life as if this is how I will be for the rest of my life.... always missing parts of what is going on around me. YET, I want to hope. I want to believe. I want to trust.