My Heart's Cry

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I've been getting used to this living with one ear thing. I didn't think it would be possible, but it actually is happening. My good ear now has extended it's territory and picks up more sounds. I still can't be around loud noise, I still can't handle music much, but I'm doing better.

I actually sang last weekend at a retreat. It was just me singing with a keyboard, no monitors, no loud speakers, and very few people. The women weren't applauding, which is something that I absolutely cannot stand, clapping hands are like bullets of sound that pierce right through my head!

I wanted to share a scripture a friend shared with me who had gone through something similar...

Is 50:4-5 The Sovereign Lord has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The Sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious; I have not drawn back.

Big Girls Don't Cry

... except today, which was to be my big day of leading worship. The day I prepared for, prayed about, and thought daily about from the day they invited me in October. Like I said, I'm happy that my friend gets to lead worship today, but I wasn't prepared for the flood of emotions as my son left to go and play guitar for the event. I'm supposed to be up there, but I am crying too much and I don't want people to focus on ME instead of the event and the Lord. Maybe later...

Love in any Language

It means so much to me to have people come over to my house specifically to pray for me and my healing. Every time, I hold my hands out and say, "Lord, I'm ready." The other day, a student from our Bible School took a piece of cotton, put a drop of oil on it, and placed it in my ear. We prayed, nothing happened, but we still wait.

I was reminded of the blind guy that Jesus spit into the dirt and put mud on his eyes. Do you remember he wasn't healed at first, he just saw shadows? That's kind of like my hearing right now. The voices I do hear are like the teacher in Charlie Brown. Not much understanding. I was happy today because I heard Greg say "dance" and "Mexico", but maybe I heard it through my good ear, it's hard to tell.

This weekend is the big event I was supposed to be in charge of the worship for. My friend, Xochitl, is taking my place, and I'm very happy it's her. I want to go hear it, but I don't think it would be wise and I think it would also probably make me sad.

The main speaker for the event is a friend of mine, and she had the same thing happen to her several years ago with her hearing, so I'm excited to see her. She is the only person I personally know who has had this same thing. She, however, recovered her hearing 100%. I'm anxious to hear her story in person.

I keep thinking about this movie we recently saw on youtube, called "The Finger of God" that talks about crazy miracles and signs and wonders that God is doing throughout the earth. It has helped me to not be skeptical when people pray for me or do "weird" things in praying for me. I just know that I have to have child-like faith and wait, wait, wait.